Man why do we as women let men effect us sooooo much???? ahh they just do my head in i think my problem is i think too much and i analyise what they say and do and how they act..

Do i do it because i have been hurt before am i trying to protect myself?? Do i do it because i dont know where i am at with a male a part of me likes the no strings attached relationship but then part of me wants more but then again i dont!!! AHHHH I confuse myself lol

He just has to not tx like and if its not normal im like ok whats up why is he txn like this.. 

So then i say to myself ahh im over him i dont want anything more to do with him but hello the minute he txz saying he wants to come round or asking me out to dinner i go all soft again and am like ohhhhh ok... Sometimes i wish i was a male maybe life would be a hell of alot easier i wouldnt have to understand anyone  but myself hahahaha..

What do you do when you have been seeing a guy for 5 months?? its not offical there are reasons why but we do everything like a couple does..Am i sposed to wait for him to say the word or do i put my foot down and do it??? this relatioship was up and down for the first month but arent all relationships like that at the start are you not posed to iron out the kinks.. ??? does it take 5 months??

O relationships i have been out of the game for 6 years and counting why because i am too scared .. scared of getting hurt again scared of loving and not being loved back i have been so scared for the past 6 years that i think it is about time that i put my pride aside and just go for it ??? 

Oh well watch this space..

I like this page i dont even care if no one follows me at least i have somewhere where i can come and vent instead of telling my friends the same ol stuff over and over again... 

I like it hehe

Hmmm so last night did a dance show and it went well then i was a nana spent the night on Facebook and suddenly realised that nearly all the girls i went to school with even the ones younger then me.. most of my gurlfriends and work mates are all married.. Makes me a lil down but for about a sec and then i think o well one day that'll be me.. There are so many photos on FB at the moment of weddings..

My sisters wedding is in April in Rarotonga and i cant wait mark my words hers will be in the wedding magazine from what she has told me she wants and i have seen the spots where she wants the ceremony, reception and the photos taken it will be stunning.. Her dress alone will cost $6000.... I am one of six bridesmaids and am going to sydney on tues to look at her dress and the bridesmaids dresses this is the 5th time i will be a bridesmaid ahhhh always a bridesmaid never a bride lmao but i bet my parents are happy for now lol..

Have that waxing today and some shopping to do presents for friends and things for work stockings etc.. Its sunday and am about to head off to church i dont usually go although i do beleave there is a god.. But am going with a good friend her husband and baby so better get off here and go...

take care xx

Tiredness

Hmmm what to write ?? I dnt even know if anyone would even want to follow this.. My life to date has been somewhat up and down but then who's hasn't we all know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right....If you would like a history ask and you shall receieve but otherwise i'l just give you the 411 on the daily goings on..

Today have done nothing but sleep don't think i am lazy i needed it, worked yesterday started a shift at 5 pm got back into nz at 430 am this morning back of the clock flight no one likes them so i actually had a well deserved rest today.. Was planing on going to get my legs and arms waxed and eyebrows threaded (cause lord knows they need it i look like a man atm) no offence to men out there tho but you know lol I had planed to go and enjoy the sun outside but sleep won at the end of the day.. Now i find its about 5pm and im wondering what to do with myself.. Dinner perhaps but my stomach has been playing up has been for the last 4 days when i went sick halfway through a 6 day trip for work food poisoning and the flu in one bang !!!

I wish i had a good man to come and take care of me maybe cook for me lol but alas i aint had a good steady one in 6years and counting.Not because i cant keep one or anything but because up until about september last year i was still in love with the X... YES you know case of the X..

However i beleave i had a right to be still holding a flame for this X, as well we were together for 4 and a half years.. I did fall pregnant 3 times (to him by the way all 3).. and he did come back tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me but it just didnt happen cause when he went to tell his then girlfriend yes he had a new girlfriend .. well she turned around and told him she was 4months pregnant with there baby..FANTASTIC (there is more to this story this is just the short version of it all.. want to know the long version just ask)

 I am seeing a guy now however and he is lovely  it is just a lil bit complicated but it has only been 5months so fingers crossed this could work out.He is one of the few guys that i have actually let close to me in a very very long time. So watch this space...I really do like this one but hmmmmmm just afew things have to be sorted out first...

Il fill you in on the stats on this guy in another blogg because for now i feel so guilty that it is after 5pm i am in my pj's and am still in bed.As my old tae kwon do coach would say " ai ai ai ai" !!!!

Better go and make use if what is left of the sunshine outside..Get my tan on haha

till next time 

laters xx